This is it- the year I commit
2016. The fire dumpster of a year. The year of any outcome. The year that claimed over 70 celebrities. The year that defined a country. Or 2. Possibly more. The year that I kept lying to myself.
Even when I finally got a group of doctors to finally diagnose me and not shy away from it (the dreaded fibromyalgia diagnosis) and get a team together to work on a plan to help provide me with the best quality of life from here on out, I continued to lie to myself. I have known for YEARS that gluten was a trigger. That it would cause the joint pain and stiffness to be even worse. That it would cause sluggishness and brain fog. But I continued to fall off the wagon because it was jut too damn hard to stay on there with the subpar flavored foods and expensive ingredients.
I became comfortable with the inflammation. I didn’t mind that it caused me excruciating pain – I had pills for that. Days off that fell conveniently in place to deal with the worst of it. And so I continued to be ok with being gluten free when it benefited me and eating gluten tainted foods when it wasn’t so convenient to be gluten free.
But I can’t continue like that. Its not healthy for me nor is it good for my well being. And a bunch of other bs that the doctors at the pain clinic would have you believe. But ultimately, I’m just fucking tired of the pain. And if I can minimize it even a little by this most inconvenient diet change then so be it. I’ll claw my way back on this most expensive band wagon with its still unappetizing breads and baked goods and “who are we kidding” crackers and be gluten free. I’ll give up the convenience of “just going with it” and being that obnoxious guest and asking “is this gluten free?” I can espouse to everyone and their brothers’ sisters’ wife the benefits of being gluten free but put a loaf of freshly baked sourdough bread in front of me and tell me I can’t have any you may as well just set a timer and see how fast I can actually make that loaf go away. Yes. I’m the worst Devils’ Advocate you’ll ever meet. But I can do this. 2017 is a year of new beginnings and something positive and all that bs jazz. Because being 34 and moving and creaking and squawking like an 89 year old isn’t very fun. And if its something this simple (HA!) to quit I can do this. It’s always easy the first few weeks or so but then something so stupid will break me. But this time no. I have to be strong. Strong like bull. Thing is, this isn’t new- I’ve known about this for years. I just can’t commit. Because no one can make gluten free breads as delicious and evil and horribly bad for you as the likes of Pepperidge Farms and Bruggers Bagels. But, new year, new you right? Right.
But some things will never change. A little Captain for you …