you get more than you bargain for

I have an Equine Science degree with a focus on business management. I think my B.S. actually reads ‘Equine Business Management’. The two are and are not mutually exclusive. But in the 4 years I was off at this magical school that gave me this wonderful degree I learned more about everything than anyone could teach anywhere else.

And its shit I can’t put on a resume. Why? cause i don’t have degrees in them.

In one class we learn all about nutrition. and while it applies to horses, it can apply to humans as well. I’m a nutritionist. I can tell you what you need and what you lack based on what you currently eat and your activity level. But I’m not licensed nor do I have a board certified specialized plaque saying I went to school to be a nutritionist. but then again neither did that quack the “Food Babe”….

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In another class we learn all about breeding and reproduction. We even have to volunteer at a vet clinic for foal nurses. And not just any foal clinic… the best damn foal clinic in the state of NJ. I learned so many skills I’ll never use again- nursing mares, getting kicked in the ass (literally) by a newborn foal, how to give a mare an enema, the general mechanics of a colic surgery, what to do when a horse that may or may not have brought in some foreign disease bites you…


In still another class we had to design our own barns. and not just go tra-leee-la here’s my barn. but it had to have to scale drawings, ideas, mock ups, business plan and 1 year forecast of business income. So that makes me an engineer. I can’t put engineer on my resume because I didn’t go to school to be an engineer. but i can design a building on proper land and aqueducts for water and proper sewage. But, not an engineer.

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we also have skills the horses teach us. How to read language that isn’t spoken. the body language. I can tell when a person is lying, bluffing or just plain being an ass. just by the way they’re standing. but how do you put that on a resume?

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I can train just about anyone because I used to command 1200 pound animals with a gentle word and a squeeze from my thigh. Pretty sure I’ll eventually get through to the head case. Just gotta learn her language.

We don’t know intimidation because again, we work with 1200 pound animals. Horse is out in the paddock, ears pinned back and has grump face most people would be apprehensive approaching this animal… we “horse girls” just look at her (cause its most likely a mare giving us this look) and tell her to wipe that look off her face and get to work.

We’re stronger than we look. Seriously. We’re beasts. Trust me on this. The guys I’ve personally worked with over the years have accepted this fact and may or may not tell their wives/girlfriends/bestfriends there’s a chick at work that can out lift them.

We have a mad strong work ethic that is unbreakable. We can follow direction and will follow it to the letter. we may or may not find a better/faster/easier way to do it, but we will follow the spirit of the direction. Most of us have been taking direction our whole lives and are just used to it. We will show up to work with broken bones, runny noses and tweaked out backs. the only thing that may stop us is free flowing bloody injury, fever or active vomiting. Pretty much anything else is just a flesh wound and can be fixed with duct tape.

Speaking of duct tape, we are master at McGyver technique. We can fix something and it may or may not be right, but it’s fixed and it will hold. Don’t worry about that. it definitely won’t be OSHA approved and it won’t be safe by any means but it’ll hold.

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We can operate heavy machinery. Don’t know really how this applies to other areas of industry but we can.

We can work hard, and play hard. and sleep hard. Cause we know how to get hurt hard. But that’s ok cause we just brush that shit off and get back to work.

Who wouldn’t hire us?

I bet he’d give us a shot…

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